It's just R e a l i t y.

I'm barely 23 and here I am, curled up in bed, shedding tears over finance, housing, family and the future.
I feel like a massively large amount of responsibility has just been thrown onto me for some reason.
Why? More money, more problems I guess.
I have no issue with helping out my family but what my parents are asking I think is abit too much.

Problem is that I feel like I absolutely cannot disappoint my mum and dad. I just can't bear it.
Even just thinking about disappointing them makes my heart ache. Thats the problem with me, isn't it.. its that I'm overly-sensitive.
It might sound like I'm praising myself for being kind and caring and blah blah blah
But no. I wish I weren't so affected by other people's feelings. I wish I cared a lot less. Its mentally exhausting, being so easily hurt all the time.
Even at work, if I see someone who looks poor and tells me that they can barely afford treatment, I charge much less, or sometimes don't charge for certain procedures. For what? They probably don't even realise or don't appreciate. I only hurt myself, and my income.

I desperately need to learn how to desensitise myself, and quickly. You don't get far in this world by being soft.
I know family is always number one, but sometimes I need to stand up for what I want, and what's best for my future and my future family...

Fingers crossed, let this not be another worthless rant where nothing ends up changing.

Itinerary

My 7th week working here and boy, time has gone by so damn quick. Its gone by so quickly and yet I feel like I've worked here for a long while already. The staff and I have bonded so well and I've gotten along well with most patients (all the non-crazies). Hahah.. but seriously. Some of them be crazy. And it really does ruin the day. Especially if it happens first up in the morning, then its hard to re-focus and learn to just concentrate on the task at hand.

My housemate had one of those bad days where she just had a few too many difficult patients and cases. Came home pretty down. What to do? Took her out for maccas icecream lol. That's pretty much what I do to cheer up. Or a bag of chips. Or chocolate.

Thankfully I haven't had to do that in a long while. Not since Whyalla days haha..

I think its because of my epic dental nurses. If I feel down about some patient or unsure of whether what I did was the 'right' thing to do, they always say the right thing to cheer me up or reassure myself. The best. And thats why I love it here :) Having good support staff make work ten kajillion times more pleasant!

Changed up my routine a bit the last week.

Started going to the gym in the morning before work, instead of afterwork. Reason being I've missed way too many sessions after work, because by the time 5:30 rolls around, I'm ready to just pass out in bed.

Its always 'I'm too tired', 'this day was too hard', 'its getting too dark', 'I'll go tomorrow', 'I need to do my laundry', 'I need to cook dinner'. And then I don't go. And then much sad feels after.

So I've been waking up early, training at the gym and then eating breakfast at work before patients come in. So far, its been great :) 

I can't believe I actually wake up these days. Sleeping early really does make all the difference. And exercise in the morning really does energise you. I used to think it was all made up BS that people say to make you wake up earlier to exercise. But it really is great. 

Plus, the thought of not having to drag myself there after work is so wonderful throughout the day ahha.. Double thumbs up!

I hope I can keep it up, I'll do my best not to get lazy.

Ooo, fun bit of news. A couple of our friends, Simon, my brother and I are all going to Japan in October for 12 days :D SUPER EXCITED.

It was a VERY spontaneous decision. We saw the cheap tickets and sort of just said... screw it, lets do it. And where else better to go!? Simon hasn't been overseas in YEARS, and has never actually travelled. He's been back to HongKong but just for family stuff. And even then hes never really done the tourist-type activities.

I'm so excited, if you can't gauge that already ahha. Our first trip together! Albeit not alone, but still! I can't think of better people to go with either. My brother is going to be buckets of fun, and Chris and thong are very chilled people, yet quite organised. 

I'm all for relaxing and chilling and waking up at 12pm, but if you have the opportunity to be in ANOTHER COUNTRY and there are a buttload of fun things to do, hell no I'm not going to waste my time sleeping.

I wouldn't be able to stand a holiday with no itinerary. Gonna make sure we plan everything! So much to do! So much to seeeeee.

I've been to Japan before but with family, and when I was still a vegetarian. The food and alcohol is a big part of my excitement, not going to lie. haha..

Already made a large list of what I want to do. Thinking about it is just getting me waaaaaay to pumped up. Still got 6 months to go. Calm the farm Juniper. haha..

Aaaanywhose. Yet another public holiday coming up next Monday, so definitely going back to Adelaide. Also badminton tournament on this week and next week. Busy busy :)

I feel like even though I haven't been playing much over here, my baddy skills have definitely gone up. Maybe because of the gym? Or maybe it was a good night. Hahah Can't wait for the tournament to see whether I've improved or not.

Couple more days until the weekend. Leggooooo people!

YDC

Had a weekend in Melbourne to attend the Young Dental Conference. My first conference! It was.. very informative to say the least haha which means i was predominantely bored out of my brains haha.
A few of the speakers were really good and i learned heaps of good tips, but most of them just spoke about topics we were already pretty well versed with, just trying to refresh our memory. Which i guess is a good thing for us to be doing anyways as new graduates. Fresh off the boat. The boat of life. Hahah what even.
Melbourne .. I cant seem to make up my mind about how I feel about the city. Its overwhelming at how big it is in comparison to Adelaide. Sure its epic for shopping but I dont reckon i would ever consider moving here. Its just way too big, bustling and .. unfriendly. They always tell me that Adelaide people are much friendlier than any other city and i didnt believe it til now. I guess im just used to people in Adelaide.
You can probably tell that the country lifestyle is getting to me haha. So accustomed to peace and quiet.. :)

Currently watching the Aus championship swimming comp on tv hahah.. much fit, many abs.. what can I say.
..wish I could swim properly. Super jelly.
No legit, I look like a jellyfish when I breaststroke hahaha.. oh the shame.

Enjoy a good week, work hard!

Travellers blog

I totally thought I'd be blogging more now that I'm working away from home..
But by the time I come home everyday after work I just want to sit infront of the TV and do nothing. Haha.. Super enjoying work by the way, which is great cause it needs to be worth the distance.
Distance from my family and from Simon has been actually a good thing.
I thought I would be so lost without them constantly around in my life, but they are very much with me in different ways.
Parents call very often, Simon gives me a play by play of his life by text on my request ahhaha.
Distance really does make the heart grow fonder. By the time I see them again on the weekend, I truly appreciate and enjoy their company. As opposed to before when I would finish work and still need to find energy and patience to deal with family, which was very hard sometimes after a long day..

The thing I find annoying- and I've said this to both Simon and Rosemay a few times- is having to justify or convince people that my decision was the right one.
People hear that I'm in Port Augusta now and they immediately screw up their face and make a super grossed-out expression. You know the expression. One person couldn't even PRETEND to be happy for me, and just said " Really? But why would you ever want to go there?".
I find it so rude that they don't give it a second thought, and don't consider that for me it was a huge decision to make.
I really don't like how people jump to the conclusion that Port Augusta is super dero and bogan. Sure, there are quite a few aboriginal people here and people arn't as well off as those in the city, but what do you expect from any sort of country town?
They don't stop to think about what a great opportunity it is to work in the country or what life experiences I'll be having, or the good income it will bring. Narrow minded.
Mind you, I used to think like that too. I never thought I would head out regional. But by taking the chance and just going for it, I wouldn't ever regret coming here. I reckon I'll be here a while guys. :P
Now when people im not close to ask how it is living in port augusta and scoff at how bogan it is I just nod my head and agree lol. Cannot possibly give more of a damn.

After work tomorrow I'll be driving back to Adelaide, and then flying to Melbourne for the Young Dental Conference. Pretty excited because ladies and gentlemen, I'll be flying solo for the first time.
Jun travelling alone? Who would have ever imagined haha.. And yea its just to Melbourne and pretty sure just about everyone has travelled alone before...but I'm super excited.
I see people at the airport travelling by themselves and always think about how cool and independent they are. Deep down inside I'm still a little kid who has never gone solo.

Spending the night with my brother who lives and works in Melbourne now, then spending a night with dental friends at an AirBNB accommodation.
Excite! Havent seen Zhen Ti in what feels like the longest time. Super grateful that he can pick me up and take me to the airport too, cause i would have noooo idea. Haha.. alrighty i better get off my bed and start packing!

♡Happy hump day peoples.

P to the A

Finally in Port Augusta and settled in :) 

Its really, much better than I expected heh. I was picturing a small, untidy, trust house-esque place like the last unit I was about to rent, but its actually very spacious and super tidy and clean. 

Moved all my things into my room, and although its quite small compared to my room back in Adelaide, it has everything I need. Comfy and cosy. Double bed, desk, bedside table and wardrobe. 

Thats how all rooms should be anyways right? We just over time accumulate alot of useless shit that we need to buy shelves to display/store/collect dust. haha.. 

I'm aiming to keep things nice and simple. You know what is a smart idea? Simply hanging all the clothes apart from socks/underwear/shorts, instead of folding them and stuffing them into shelves.

It saves so much folding time, and keeps all my stuff nice and un-crumpled. Too bad the closet in Adelaide has more shelves vs hanging rack-space.

We got a Target, people :) haha I thought we didn't have one here but this town literally has everything I would ever need. Did a lot of shopping for household stuff the last couple days. Big W is so much better here, its super big, very cost-co style and warehouse-like. Right next door is the woolworths, and next door to that is the biggest Reject shop I've ever seen. Next door to that is a Cafe Primo and across the road is Target, next to the bank, which is next to my clinic. Hahaha.. 

Talk about convenience..

Enjoying my time here so far, tonight is the first night alone (aside from my housemate). Parents, brother, cousin and Simon left much earlier today. The feels are quite lonely when there arn't many things to do. I think I'm going to be blogging alot more. Unless I'm super tired from work then soz peeps. I gotta say I'm forever thankful to have my parents and Simon in my life.

The three people who would literally do anything for me. My parents put alot of effort into making sure I was comfortable, had everything I needed and kept me super positive. Simon also, kept saying how fantastic this place is and how great an opportunity I have right now, even though I know that inside he's thinking about how lonely he'll be for the next few years.. haha.

He drove me all the way from Adelaide, tidied up the house, drove me around Port Augusta searching to buy all the things I needed, installed my mirror and shower stuff, installed the tv, cooked dinner for the family and all without a single complaint. I never had to ask twice.

Not one complaint. On a disgustingly hot 40 degree day.

I don't know how I stumbled upon such a person, since when was I this lucky!? Anywho enough fan-girl.

It hasn't hit me yet, that this may be my house for the next year or two. It's a weird feeling, being away from what I'm familiar with.

Starting work tomorrow at 8:30am so I'm thinking I'll shower soon and pass out in my bed early. It's been so long since I've slept before 12.. haha..

Fingers crossed I've hit something good here with my clinic. But then again my dad pointed out to me- your experience will be good if you make it good. Just gotta keep my mindset extra positive :)

Not that I don't think it'll be a good workplace, just that I've had a few friends resign/think about resigning because they don't like where they work, or they have a problem with the patients, the way the clinic is run, the boss or what they can/cannot do. I hope none of those things happen to me, but if they do I need to turn it into something good.

Let's see how we go, shall we? 

Packing heat. LOL

Shit is getting real, real fast. One more day until I move, starting to pack things. Slowly but surely. Lucky I'll be able to go back and forth, so I feel like there arn't thaaat many things I need to pack. Plus there is a Big W, Sports power, Toyworld, Reject shop, Lingerie Bar (lol cause I'll be in there everyday), Woolworths... Oo theres a Paintball Skirmish there too. Clearly I'm scrolling through a list of all the stores there. Radio rentals.. Just jeans.. Spend less shoes..
... Plenty of stores. HAHA.
Well, not that I'll be there to shop anyways. By the time I finish work each day it'll be past 5:30 when all the stores close. Atleast Woolies don't close until 9pm everyday, so I can atleast buy a can of tuna to eat. haha..
Cooking? Me? Yeah roite. lol. I'll get onto it.. when I get sick of eating tuna. Which is never.

SO sad that they don't have a K-mart or Target.. My two absolute favourite stores :(

They have a Yoga class on Wednesday nights at the community centre, maybe I'll check that out when I'm all settled in. Only thing is my parents don't want me out after it gets dark. I've heard some bad things about people in PA at night, so I'll definitely be cautious. Maybe I'll get my housemate to come with or something.

My Shoes came in, along with a shit tonne of disappointment. Hahaha.. they were maybe half a size too small and the material felt really cheap. Like something I'd buy in K-mart for $5. Except they weren't $5. Sadface to the max. Anywho I've already posted it back to the Iconic. And probably won't be ordering from them again. Ceebs man. Plus I only get refunded the price of the shoes, so I lose out on the shipping cost. Eurgh. Online shopping isn't as great as everyone makes it out to be. I can't afford to lose money every time I don't like my purchase. Enough rage about that haha..

Heading up on Saturday morning with Simone, my bro and my cousin. Then parents are joining us in the afternoon after the finish work. Probs get things sorted and move stuff into my room.. find out what I need to go and buy and then go out adventuring. Then we're all going to have a big slumber party at my new place haha. Should be fun.

Errthing is happening all at once oh em gee.
Been busy planning for a conference in Melbourne that'll be happening in April also, organising is suuuuch a pain in the butthole. Esp now that I'll be rural, I need to organise transport, flights and accommodation that all co-incide.
Big gurl now, can't rely on my mum to plan everything like she used to haha.
But seriously. I can't plan stuff for shat. It takes me aaages to plan things, and it's always such a drag lol. Much growing up to do.
I'm getting better at not procrastinating though, when I need to pay things I pay it quickly so I don't forget, or I write them down. I feel like I've got more control over all my appointments and finances now.

OH YEA I got my implant screw in yesterday. 3 months for healing then I can get my crown. then BOOM! no more gap hahh.. Finally.
I had been putting it off so much in the last year. Using excuses like work, uni and no money to keep delaying it. Turns out it wasn't that expensive, because medibank took care of a huge portion of it. Thankyou thankyou private health insurance. Much love.
Anywhose its a little tender but not too bad at all. Had IV sedation instead of general anaesthetic so I didn't wake up feeling like shit. Eurgh. GA is the worst.

Enjoy the rest of the week, guys. Til the next update ;)

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff.

Heeey there ladies and gents.
Had some gewd times at St Kilda adventure park- my first time! Unfortunately wasn't with Simone but I'll definitely be taking him there soon ahha..
Some of dem slides dough, epic dangerous. Well, probably not really that bad but a few of them are extremely steep and if you ride on the cardboard its super fast. Highly recommend going!
Yesterday I bought a book online, should come in next week.
One of the books from the "Don't sweat the small stuff" series.
I was reading my blog one of the nights I couldn't sleep and in one of them I talk about my short tempered-ness and my lack of patience in certain situations. I realised that I haven't really done much about that side of me, and although I haven't reeeally blown up about something for a while, its only a matter of time after I start full-time work.
Also I thought my tendency to grind my teeth at night MUST be related to stress, somewhere embedded within my mind. Even though I don't feel stressed, I know my subconscious is, because thats just how I do haha.
So finding ways to deal with the underlying stress can only be a good thing.
The book talks about ways to deal with the day-to-day stress, and I remember watching a youtuber a few years ago who gave it really good reviews. Fingers crossed I'll learn a thing or two!
Plus, now that I'm moving to Port Augusta, I'm going to have a whole lot of time on my hands arn't I?
... also bought a new pair of shoes for work. Super excited to get them, first online shoe purchase, PLEASE FIT MY WEIRD FEET.

Date has been set to move on the 6th of March, and for me to start the day after. I'm very keen to start.. a whole month without doing any sort of dental work, I'm really starting to miss it! Long time no inject yo face.

March is going to be super full on.
New Job, new co-workers, new place, new housemate.. new lifestyle, new gym.
And coming back on the weekends for a wedding, two engagements, public holidays and birthdays.
Lots of travelling to be had. Pray for no kangaroos.

Happy Saturday, potatoes! :D