Fall out

Ladies and Gentlemen, my apologies for being afk for so long!
Literally away from the keyboard since don't we all do things on our phones these days? lol..
All of a sudden its almost time for mid-year exams. In just over a year and a half I'll be graduating! (hopefully).
Scary to think what happens after graduation.. Sure I've got the degree and supposedly adequate 'skills' to be a dentist, but what if no one employs me? What if I'm unemployed for a long time? What if I need to move interstate for work? Overseas? Man. Its one of those issues I just push to the back of my mind every time it pops up. Why? Cause I'm scared. Scared of what the future holds. Scared of how much I DON'T achieve.
But ain't no body got time to be scared. Scared of spiders? Punch them in the face, nigeria please. Scared of clowns? Kick dem in the balls. Me.. scared of life? Ridiculous.
I need to have more confidence in myself, I really do. Game face on >:)
That being said, confidence really depends on how well you've developed your knowledge base. If you know your shit, you can be confident that whatever the situation, you'll know what to do.
So whatever you do do guys, (LOL she said doodoo) make sure you read up on it.

Clinic has been raping me up the arse without lube. Some sessions are not too bad, but today was stressful let me tell you.. Patients coming in with pain, wanting the pain to be removed.. Dear patient, stop being a pain in my butthole and remove yourself.
Ah, I must not be so harsh, so heartless.. But for real, your diet looks like something I'd eat if I was locked in a bloody Handorf lolly shop for 20years. Ofcourse your teeth would be 'effed', as he himself described it.
On top of the emergency care clinic, having to deal with dragon-lady tutor is not getting any better. Sure, I don't think I sound like an idiot, stuttering away anymore, but goddamn. Picks on literally everything I do, from standing in her way one time, to dot-pointing my self-assessment un-systematically. HOW is this relevant. WILL that make me a better clinician? jeebussssss.
Bad luck to my friend who accidentally crumpled the left hand sleeve of his clinic coat in his bag and got picked on for that. What the actual eff?
Enough ranting. ..For now. LOL.

What else has been up?
Lately I've kind of fallen out of the badminton group. Sure I still go to social from time to time, and I kind of HAVE to play tuesday nights cause well, dat crap is against my will lolol curse this 'nice person' thing I have to be.. Just kidding.
But yea, its just different now. Less friends, alot of judging and gossiping..side glances, snide remarks, awkwardness.. God damn it, if you want to know something, ask me directly. Why go behind my back and ask someone else? I'll TELL you whats up. THEN you may judge me.
It just happens so often now, its mind blasting.
When I was a junior, I used to go to badminton cause I was truely passionate about it, and it was really about the badminton. Socializing was a bonus. an awesome bonus. But as I've grown into the 'older' generation and started to hang with people 5-10 years older than me, I've discovered its not so much about the badminton as it is about gossiping, politics and stupid inside grudges. You'd think that they'd be older so they'd be more mature about things, keep out of other peoples business and have lives OUTSIDE of badminton. 'Hating' me when we've never even spoken just purely off something that you had heard.. thats a wonderful way to live, good job lady! *cue slow clap*
Nigga please, I don't even know who you are.

Sure you may not agree with the way I've handled things and the choices I've made.. But thats my problem, not yours. MY life, so let me live it the way I want to. Dealing with this sort of stuff, I dunno, I guess its out of my control- people think what they want, do what the feel like. If you can't win them over...just stand back and laugh at how much effort they're putting in to dislike you.
It's actually a conscious EFFORT to dislike someone, to hold a grudge, to react negatively to something/someone. I legitimately dont have the energy for that. LOL. I'd rather use that effort on-
♪ Loving youuuu, is easy 'cause you're Beautifullllllll ♥ haha LAMEEEEE.


I blog like I know what I'm doing, what I'm saying- but I don't really.
Happy Thursday everybody! Today you should do something that you love. Or someone. Either way. Do it good ;)

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SO as I sit here with my cup of super strong, bitter-as-i-like-it coffee and bag of dried apricots, I wonder when I got so shat at studying. Lol.
I need tissues for my issues. Not happy tissues. Sad tissues. Cry tissues. haha
Its a combination of my attachment to social media and also my short-attention span. I didn't think I was hooked that badly, until I try to sit down and study. The moment I take out my book and prepare a clean piece of pad paper, I start to feel lonely. LOL not the 'no-body loves me' kind of lonely, but the- SOMEONE TALK TO MEEEEE- kind of lonely.
Lately its like if no ones physically around me, I need atleast a means for them to reach me. So I must always be available online, or via text. Jeebus, this sucks a big one. See, even now while I procrastinate my study for the perio test on Friday morning, I feel like I need to be talking to someone, hence the blogging. Indirectly talking to MORE than one! Efficiency strong.
Sure, I adore my so called 'alone-time', ie sitting on the bus, walking aimlessly around town, laying on my bed doing absolutely nothing, gymming..
But then again, even then I'm not really alone. Always surrounded by people, always nearby a computer or a phone. Theres even wifi in the gym now, people. Tell me HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FOCUS!? Haha. I used to need to turn on my 3G to get internet in the gym, so I never bothered since my 200mb cap is always used up by the first week of the month.
Heck, I'd have so much TIME on my hands if not for social media.

Not to say that I'm totally addicted, cause I don't think I am. Pretty sure I could do without it, if I wanted to. Its just the CONVENIENCE of it all is crazy. Absolutely bonkers.
Ofcourse, all this is now Normal. We don't even think twice to check our phones, even if we did just pick it up about 30seconds before. After all, 30seconds is a lot of time. We could have gotten 5 more notifications. Sarcasm intended guys, I'm hardly that popular.

Whats been up? I've been enjoying life a little too much.
Next 6-8weeks is going to be crazy. Crazy in the sense that I have way too much to study for.
Periodontal tests, paediatric tests, Fixed pros crazy-lady tutor, Oral surg rotation, MID-YEAR EXAMS HOLYSHITWTFBBQ its that time of the year yet again. FREAK OUT NOW.