Thursday, August 4, 2016

It's just R e a l i t y.

I'm barely 23 and here I am, curled up in bed, shedding tears over finance, housing, family and the future.
I feel like a massively large amount of responsibility has just been thrown onto me for some reason.
Why? More money, more problems I guess.
I have no issue with helping out my family but what my parents are asking I think is abit too much.

Problem is that I feel like I absolutely cannot disappoint my mum and dad. I just can't bear it.
Even just thinking about disappointing them makes my heart ache. Thats the problem with me, isn't it.. its that I'm overly-sensitive.
It might sound like I'm praising myself for being kind and caring and blah blah blah
But no. I wish I weren't so affected by other people's feelings. I wish I cared a lot less. Its mentally exhausting, being so easily hurt all the time.
Even at work, if I see someone who looks poor and tells me that they can barely afford treatment, I charge much less, or sometimes don't charge for certain procedures. For what? They probably don't even realise or don't appreciate. I only hurt myself, and my income.

I desperately need to learn how to desensitise myself, and quickly. You don't get far in this world by being soft.
I know family is always number one, but sometimes I need to stand up for what I want, and what's best for my future and my future family...

Fingers crossed, let this not be another worthless rant where nothing ends up changing.

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