Done and done

Good news everybody, I'm finally done with exams :D Hah. Well, whether I did well enough or not is a whole other issue- we shall discuss that later if need be. Please buddha, let me have scraped through.

Just thought I'd make a quick update post- since I haven't in a while. Thats how much I was studying- I'd like to say. haha I definitely am the queen of procrastination. If you know me, you already know.

So I got round to watching The Fault in Our Stars a couple weeks ago- was really looking forward to it, since I did enjoy the book. In my opinion the book was alot better- but I say that about many films.

I think I just prefer reading it, the stories play out alot better in my head. And after that I have the highest expectations when the movie comes out, only to be disappointed!

Having said that, it was super touching.. well what story about cancer, family, relationships and death arn't? I'd still recommend watching it. Not mind blowing- but worth your while.. Will make you appreciate what you have, instead of always comparing yourself to others and wishing you had more.

We have enough :)

Well I certainly do anyways. Couldn't be happier at the moment. ..Can we just pause life here?

Alas, we cannot. So making the most of now, living life in the moment, all that jazz- really makes sense.

Before we know it, time will pass us by and we'll be thinking back to happier days.

LOL what a bleak way to look at the future.

Reality is, we don't know whats going to happen. It very well could be full of sad moments. When and if those times come, all lifes hardship and BS, we'll deal with it then.

This very moment though, I'm thankful for so much. Thankful for my parents, constantly looking out for me, worrying about me because I don't worry about myself- making sure I don't drink too many energy drinks, calling me to ask when I'll be home because the man on the telly predicted a thunderstorm..

Thankful for my friends, being there when I need them, for me to turn to when I need solutions, and when I'm freaking out about exams, want nothing more than to help me.

Thankful for good health, being able to run around, being able to do what I want.

Which reminds me- BADMINTON AWAITS :D hur hur hur.. I think this is the only exam period where I completely stopped playing badminton. 3weeks have passed and I've missed it each and every day. My heart has definitely grown fonder, and I'm super craving/aching to play.

Also- Victor harbour is coming- more memories to be made. Heeeells yea. 

Happy Holidays people! Take up a new hobby, do something different, clean up your room!

Insane in the brain

Feel like this is the most un-productive study period before exams that I've had so far. I knew this time would come. It's taken almost 4 years but yea, I may indeed bomb out on my exams.
I always say that I feel like I'm gonna fail, but I know that deep down I know what I'm doing.
This time? No idea. No idea what might happen, what questions might crop up, how shat I will do D':
Duh slightly worrying. lol. Never the mind. One more week.
I'm having the best time of my life.
Passed all 7 of my clinics WHAT UP!? haha.. But I've always loved clinic, definitely prefer it over theory.. well who wouldn't? I'm loving the hands-on, getting yo' hands dirty, getting into dem root canals :D weeee
Love it.
Finding more time for my family also, spending time with my parents as they wind down from work. It makes a difference, making sure I'm there at the right moments. Ofcourse, I'm still away from home quite abit, doing things for me.. but yea, I think I'm handling well.
Sort of paused with badminton, not really feeling it right now. But thats ok. It certainly doesn't mean I'm any less fond of it, but for now its not a huge priority for me. There are more important things :)
I'll get back onto it after exams.
Planning a victor harbour trip with my brother, Simon, and duh bro's girlfie ;) hahhah Not sure if I'm allowed to mention that or not but.. He doesn't read my blogs anyway. HAHA. What he does not know, shan't kill him. Can't wait!! Sure its only for 3days but, I'll be glad to get away from Adelaide for abit. Getting a little restless over hurr.
Definitely didn't have any reason/train of thought/good ideas for this blog post, simply posted cause I felt like ditching study for tonight and going straight to bed. And I would give myself that luxury but.. I did that last night.. and the night before. So I'm trying to keep myself awake.
LOL Its getting to the point where all this study is building up and I'm reaching the 'part-where-jun-panics'.
There is ALWAYS that part. It comes with every exam period. Inevitable. haha.. It slowly edges to a moment where I realise how much I don't know in comparison to everyone else, and one night when I'm just sitting at my desk, I'll start to hyperventilate and break down in tears. Anxiety, pressure, feelings of inadequacy.. Crazy I KNOW. I. have. issues.
In the past I've only really briefly mentioned it to one person, and when I told him, he told me to just take deep breaths. Actually breathe. I tell the same thing to my patients when I'm just about to give them a needle. "Give me a deep breath in through your nose for me.. and now out through your mouth. You're doing super awesome."
It really does help, as simple and as stupid as it sounds..
When the time does come, I just need to breathe. Then take a couple steps back from my books and realise how minuscule my problems really are. SO WHAT if I don't know the answer? I know the answers for other things. And even then, so WHAT if I end up doing badly? There will always be that opportunity to redeem myself. And passing that point, WHAT IF i end up having to re-do fourth year?
More years of dentistry, more experience before the real world right?
I'd much rather prefer having a dentist who re-did fourth year and aced it, than someone who barely scraped through and passed on supps.
That being said, I still want to pass it the first time round. LOL probs just trying to justify my reason for potential failure. COME ON JUN. You can do better than that. hahah..

Going to visit my grandma at the temple tomorrow. Long time no see, Grandma.. its been 5 years. Man, alot of time has passed since she passed away, so many things she would have been happy to have seen. Me getting into dentistry, her first great-grand-daughter being born, my brother getting married, Dad finally re-finding Grandpa's grave.. eurgh, the feels.

Happy Sunday people! ♥

Fall out

Ladies and Gentlemen, my apologies for being afk for so long!
Literally away from the keyboard since don't we all do things on our phones these days? lol..
All of a sudden its almost time for mid-year exams. In just over a year and a half I'll be graduating! (hopefully).
Scary to think what happens after graduation.. Sure I've got the degree and supposedly adequate 'skills' to be a dentist, but what if no one employs me? What if I'm unemployed for a long time? What if I need to move interstate for work? Overseas? Man. Its one of those issues I just push to the back of my mind every time it pops up. Why? Cause I'm scared. Scared of what the future holds. Scared of how much I DON'T achieve.
But ain't no body got time to be scared. Scared of spiders? Punch them in the face, nigeria please. Scared of clowns? Kick dem in the balls. Me.. scared of life? Ridiculous.
I need to have more confidence in myself, I really do. Game face on >:)
That being said, confidence really depends on how well you've developed your knowledge base. If you know your shit, you can be confident that whatever the situation, you'll know what to do.
So whatever you do do guys, (LOL she said doodoo) make sure you read up on it.

Clinic has been raping me up the arse without lube. Some sessions are not too bad, but today was stressful let me tell you.. Patients coming in with pain, wanting the pain to be removed.. Dear patient, stop being a pain in my butthole and remove yourself.
Ah, I must not be so harsh, so heartless.. But for real, your diet looks like something I'd eat if I was locked in a bloody Handorf lolly shop for 20years. Ofcourse your teeth would be 'effed', as he himself described it.
On top of the emergency care clinic, having to deal with dragon-lady tutor is not getting any better. Sure, I don't think I sound like an idiot, stuttering away anymore, but goddamn. Picks on literally everything I do, from standing in her way one time, to dot-pointing my self-assessment un-systematically. HOW is this relevant. WILL that make me a better clinician? jeebussssss.
Bad luck to my friend who accidentally crumpled the left hand sleeve of his clinic coat in his bag and got picked on for that. What the actual eff?
Enough ranting. ..For now. LOL.

What else has been up?
Lately I've kind of fallen out of the badminton group. Sure I still go to social from time to time, and I kind of HAVE to play tuesday nights cause well, dat crap is against my will lolol curse this 'nice person' thing I have to be.. Just kidding.
But yea, its just different now. Less friends, alot of judging and gossiping..side glances, snide remarks, awkwardness.. God damn it, if you want to know something, ask me directly. Why go behind my back and ask someone else? I'll TELL you whats up. THEN you may judge me.
It just happens so often now, its mind blasting.
When I was a junior, I used to go to badminton cause I was truely passionate about it, and it was really about the badminton. Socializing was a bonus. an awesome bonus. But as I've grown into the 'older' generation and started to hang with people 5-10 years older than me, I've discovered its not so much about the badminton as it is about gossiping, politics and stupid inside grudges. You'd think that they'd be older so they'd be more mature about things, keep out of other peoples business and have lives OUTSIDE of badminton. 'Hating' me when we've never even spoken just purely off something that you had heard.. thats a wonderful way to live, good job lady! *cue slow clap*
Nigga please, I don't even know who you are.

Sure you may not agree with the way I've handled things and the choices I've made.. But thats my problem, not yours. MY life, so let me live it the way I want to. Dealing with this sort of stuff, I dunno, I guess its out of my control- people think what they want, do what the feel like. If you can't win them over...just stand back and laugh at how much effort they're putting in to dislike you.
It's actually a conscious EFFORT to dislike someone, to hold a grudge, to react negatively to something/someone. I legitimately dont have the energy for that. LOL. I'd rather use that effort on-
♪ Loving youuuu, is easy 'cause you're Beautifullllllll ♥ haha LAMEEEEE.


I blog like I know what I'm doing, what I'm saying- but I don't really.
Happy Thursday everybody! Today you should do something that you love. Or someone. Either way. Do it good ;)

Tweet tweet

SO as I sit here with my cup of super strong, bitter-as-i-like-it coffee and bag of dried apricots, I wonder when I got so shat at studying. Lol.
I need tissues for my issues. Not happy tissues. Sad tissues. Cry tissues. haha
Its a combination of my attachment to social media and also my short-attention span. I didn't think I was hooked that badly, until I try to sit down and study. The moment I take out my book and prepare a clean piece of pad paper, I start to feel lonely. LOL not the 'no-body loves me' kind of lonely, but the- SOMEONE TALK TO MEEEEE- kind of lonely.
Lately its like if no ones physically around me, I need atleast a means for them to reach me. So I must always be available online, or via text. Jeebus, this sucks a big one. See, even now while I procrastinate my study for the perio test on Friday morning, I feel like I need to be talking to someone, hence the blogging. Indirectly talking to MORE than one! Efficiency strong.
Sure, I adore my so called 'alone-time', ie sitting on the bus, walking aimlessly around town, laying on my bed doing absolutely nothing, gymming..
But then again, even then I'm not really alone. Always surrounded by people, always nearby a computer or a phone. Theres even wifi in the gym now, people. Tell me HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FOCUS!? Haha. I used to need to turn on my 3G to get internet in the gym, so I never bothered since my 200mb cap is always used up by the first week of the month.
Heck, I'd have so much TIME on my hands if not for social media.

Not to say that I'm totally addicted, cause I don't think I am. Pretty sure I could do without it, if I wanted to. Its just the CONVENIENCE of it all is crazy. Absolutely bonkers.
Ofcourse, all this is now Normal. We don't even think twice to check our phones, even if we did just pick it up about 30seconds before. After all, 30seconds is a lot of time. We could have gotten 5 more notifications. Sarcasm intended guys, I'm hardly that popular.

Whats been up? I've been enjoying life a little too much.
Next 6-8weeks is going to be crazy. Crazy in the sense that I have way too much to study for.
Periodontal tests, paediatric tests, Fixed pros crazy-lady tutor, Oral surg rotation, MID-YEAR EXAMS HOLYSHITWTFBBQ its that time of the year yet again. FREAK OUT NOW.

Circus antics

Silver's circus was preeeetty awesome, boys and girls! 

Tight rope-walkers, acrobatics, that chick who does tricks using them gymnast rings, hula-hoopery, football-playing dogs, cray cray magic tricks, stupid-looking clowns. I was just disappointed that there were no lions. Haha what to expect for such cheap ring-side seats? Lol.

Went to The Pot for lunch beforehand, which was really nice. Definitely more along the high-end pricey class, but I enjoyed it thoroughly :) Who knew cider could taste so nice, so early in the day? So many firsts.

As childish/amateur as other people have described it, I really liked Silvers. Maybe its because I had never been to a circus before. Thats how it goes in life isn't it? If you've never experienced it before, there is nothing to compare your experience to. Same goes for relationships, no? If you've only had bad relationships, when you finally stumble upon a good one, it'll blow your mind.

How do you know you've found the right person?
Someone who makes you a better person. Someone who- could make you strive for things you've never considered. Who supports you, no matter what your decision.

One of my friends who I once was quite close to, recently got into a relationship with a girl who I thought did not suit him at all. But I've been proved wrong, people. In the short amount of time that he's been with her, he has only improved himself as a person. Things that I would never in a million years expected him to accomplish. Very super proud of said person, and happy that he's found himself :)

Happy Wednesday, folks :) I'm enjoying my holidays. Super enjoy!

So much.

Parents are back today, my freedom is once again over. Oh sigh.

Was not complaining tonight though, driving back and forth from Elizabeth (close to 2hrs in total)- coming home from a long day in the clinic to dinner waiting for me.. Seriously missed my dad's cooking.

Do you even know what I had for breakfast this morning? Instant noodles. I ran out of bread, wraps, egg and cheese..and everything else.. long ago.What even.

Haha. Instant noodles were good though. Super bad. But good. 

My instant noodle making skills have levelled up substantially.

Have you ever met a person that you can spend literally everyday with.. and not get sick of them? Not even for a moment.

If you happen to do so, don't ever let them go. How often will you find someone on the same wavelength? Chances are one in a million. I would definitely hold on to that chance. Stupid not to. 

Random thoughts aside, I need to get back to the gym. For reals. Packin' on the pounds and feeling it. 

I guess I should go weigh myself. Then go to the gym. Haha.

Should probably just start eating less. Why is my love for food so great!? :D such. is. life.

Guess this is my cue to go now.

Pointless post- so sorry very thankyou. Definitely just procrastinating. Dreading fixed pros tomorrow. Please don't kill me, lady dragon tutor.. Your cold stares and angled eye-brows already scare the shit out of me.

#Life

Just recently I hit 20,000 views. Haha Sounds alot to me, seeing as I didn't think any body really read my blog. Its more like a one-view-and-never-again type of blog. A special one. Haha..
On the other hand, I've been using this thing for what, three years now? Super long blog times :)

So I think I've been avoiding my blog for a while, simply because I know that when I start writing what I'm thinking, I'm going to have to face my thoughts. There are many thoughts just swimming in my fat head right now. Oh, so many.
Issues popping up left right and centre.. 2014 is so far for the lols.
Then again, 10 years down the track, all these issues probably won't matter. So I'm not too fussed. Positive mind set, epic perspectives.
The one thing I have trouble dealing with lately, is Friendships.
What is friendship? True friendship. Being there for one another when they need it, giving advice without being judgemental, providing that shoulder to cry on, but also making you laugh so hard that you pee your pants.
I think lately I've come to realise who my real friends are, at the same time, realising those who- when I really need help, wouldn't lift a finger for me. I don't blame them, its not like we were ever 'close'. I guess I'd call them 'circumstantial' friends. Those that are my friends purely because they have no choice.
The worst part is naively thinking that they'd all be there for me, support me, but then realising the opposite.
And from that, I've come to accept just how little close friends I have.
At times I think to myself- Who do I have to go to, when shit hits the fan? Who will come out at 3am to jump start my car? Who will be my friend, even through my bad past, my horrible mistakes, my un-wise choices?
I can only think of a few.
At times I wonder- when I'm old, who will be there with me still?
A few nights ago I was out with a group of people who I thought I was pretty 'close' with, a group I thought I had always had fun with. I was there a couple hours, when I suddenly found myself alone, feeling like shit for one reason or another, and standing there wondering who I had to turn to. Then it hit me. I wouldn't turn to any one in that room. Not one. single. person. All either not on the same page, judgemental, gossipy, or who had drifted apart from me at some point.
So I left early, alone. Lol. very un-Jun-like. Much tension in the room, much awkward, much confusion.
From this I guess, it made me sad. But then, I've come to treasure my true friends so much more. I'm glad I have so few close friends, so few that I can count them on one hand.
The true friends, the ones I want to keep in my life, the ones that will make the effort to keep ME in THEIR lives, the ones that will always be there to listen, the ones that don't care how bad of a person I've become, the ones that will simply tell me to get my shit together and be a better person.

I guess thats whats been on my mind lately. All these issues with so-called 'friends'.. I've had enough of it, really.. It's taking up too much of my mind-space, too much of my time, too much of my energy, too much of my care.
Sure, friends are nice. But they come and go. And because they're so fickle these days, who cares what they think? If I really want to do something, I shouldn't let their opinions stop me.
Sure, I've done some stupid shit that hardly deserve mentioning here on this blog, but so what. Everyone has. Eurgh. Its just that this friendship thing has been playing on my mind over and over oh ma gaaahhhdddd so ghey duh ferkkk. Maybe I need a new hobby.