Sunday, June 15, 2014

Insane in the brain

Feel like this is the most un-productive study period before exams that I've had so far. I knew this time would come. It's taken almost 4 years but yea, I may indeed bomb out on my exams.
I always say that I feel like I'm gonna fail, but I know that deep down I know what I'm doing.
This time? No idea. No idea what might happen, what questions might crop up, how shat I will do D':
Duh slightly worrying. lol. Never the mind. One more week.
I'm having the best time of my life.
Passed all 7 of my clinics WHAT UP!? haha.. But I've always loved clinic, definitely prefer it over theory.. well who wouldn't? I'm loving the hands-on, getting yo' hands dirty, getting into dem root canals :D weeee
Love it.
Finding more time for my family also, spending time with my parents as they wind down from work. It makes a difference, making sure I'm there at the right moments. Ofcourse, I'm still away from home quite abit, doing things for me.. but yea, I think I'm handling well.
Sort of paused with badminton, not really feeling it right now. But thats ok. It certainly doesn't mean I'm any less fond of it, but for now its not a huge priority for me. There are more important things :)
I'll get back onto it after exams.
Planning a victor harbour trip with my brother, Simon, and duh bro's girlfie ;) hahhah Not sure if I'm allowed to mention that or not but.. He doesn't read my blogs anyway. HAHA. What he does not know, shan't kill him. Can't wait!! Sure its only for 3days but, I'll be glad to get away from Adelaide for abit. Getting a little restless over hurr.
Definitely didn't have any reason/train of thought/good ideas for this blog post, simply posted cause I felt like ditching study for tonight and going straight to bed. And I would give myself that luxury but.. I did that last night.. and the night before. So I'm trying to keep myself awake.
LOL Its getting to the point where all this study is building up and I'm reaching the 'part-where-jun-panics'.
There is ALWAYS that part. It comes with every exam period. Inevitable. haha.. It slowly edges to a moment where I realise how much I don't know in comparison to everyone else, and one night when I'm just sitting at my desk, I'll start to hyperventilate and break down in tears. Anxiety, pressure, feelings of inadequacy.. Crazy I KNOW. I. have. issues.
In the past I've only really briefly mentioned it to one person, and when I told him, he told me to just take deep breaths. Actually breathe. I tell the same thing to my patients when I'm just about to give them a needle. "Give me a deep breath in through your nose for me.. and now out through your mouth. You're doing super awesome."
It really does help, as simple and as stupid as it sounds..
When the time does come, I just need to breathe. Then take a couple steps back from my books and realise how minuscule my problems really are. SO WHAT if I don't know the answer? I know the answers for other things. And even then, so WHAT if I end up doing badly? There will always be that opportunity to redeem myself. And passing that point, WHAT IF i end up having to re-do fourth year?
More years of dentistry, more experience before the real world right?
I'd much rather prefer having a dentist who re-did fourth year and aced it, than someone who barely scraped through and passed on supps.
That being said, I still want to pass it the first time round. LOL probs just trying to justify my reason for potential failure. COME ON JUN. You can do better than that. hahah..

Going to visit my grandma at the temple tomorrow. Long time no see, Grandma.. its been 5 years. Man, alot of time has passed since she passed away, so many things she would have been happy to have seen. Me getting into dentistry, her first great-grand-daughter being born, my brother getting married, Dad finally re-finding Grandpa's grave.. eurgh, the feels.

Happy Sunday people! ♥

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