On the other hand, I've been using this thing for what, three years now? Super long blog times :)
So I think I've been avoiding my blog for a while, simply because I know that when I start writing what I'm thinking, I'm going to have to face my thoughts. There are many thoughts just swimming in my fat head right now. Oh, so many.
Issues popping up left right and centre.. 2014 is so far for the lols.
Then again, 10 years down the track, all these issues probably won't matter. So I'm not too fussed. Positive mind set, epic perspectives.
The one thing I have trouble dealing with lately, is Friendships.
What is friendship? True friendship. Being there for one another when they need it, giving advice without being judgemental, providing that shoulder to cry on, but also making you laugh so hard that you pee your pants.
I think lately I've come to realise who my real friends are, at the same time, realising those who- when I really need help, wouldn't lift a finger for me. I don't blame them, its not like we were ever 'close'. I guess I'd call them 'circumstantial' friends. Those that are my friends purely because they have no choice.
The worst part is naively thinking that they'd all be there for me, support me, but then realising the opposite.
And from that, I've come to accept just how little close friends I have.
At times I think to myself- Who do I have to go to, when shit hits the fan? Who will come out at 3am to jump start my car? Who will be my friend, even through my bad past, my horrible mistakes, my un-wise choices?
I can only think of a few.
At times I wonder- when I'm old, who will be there with me still?
A few nights ago I was out with a group of people who I thought I was pretty 'close' with, a group I thought I had always had fun with. I was there a couple hours, when I suddenly found myself alone, feeling like shit for one reason or another, and standing there wondering who I had to turn to. Then it hit me. I wouldn't turn to any one in that room. Not one. single. person. All either not on the same page, judgemental, gossipy, or who had drifted apart from me at some point.
So I left early, alone. Lol. very un-Jun-like. Much tension in the room, much awkward, much confusion.
From this I guess, it made me sad. But then, I've come to treasure my true friends so much more. I'm glad I have so few close friends, so few that I can count them on one hand.
The true friends, the ones I want to keep in my life, the ones that will make the effort to keep ME in THEIR lives, the ones that will always be there to listen, the ones that don't care how bad of a person I've become, the ones that will simply tell me to get my shit together and be a better person.
I guess thats whats been on my mind lately. All these issues with so-called 'friends'.. I've had enough of it, really.. It's taking up too much of my mind-space, too much of my time, too much of my energy, too much of my care.
Sure, friends are nice. But they come and go. And because they're so fickle these days, who cares what they think? If I really want to do something, I shouldn't let their opinions stop me.
Sure, I've done some stupid shit that hardly deserve mentioning here on this blog, but so what. Everyone has. Eurgh. Its just that this friendship thing has been playing on my mind over and over oh ma gaaahhhdddd so ghey duh ferkkk. Maybe I need a new hobby.