Sunday, January 19, 2014

Long nights

Clap along, if you feel like happiness is the truth ♪
♫  Because I'm happppyyyyyyyyyy-yyy-yyy-yyy

Quite the opposite. But I thought it was worth quoting since its such a happy song. Sad times call for happy songs to cheer me the eff up.
I told myself not to blog until I calmed down and sorted my brain out, so I wouldn't rage so hard.
I think I'm halfway calm so I'll blog now. Hahah.. Mind of a nob.

This post I feel is going to make no sense to many people, but to a certain few they'll know exactly what I'm talking about.

You know what I don't get?
Why after a break-up, people still feel like they have power over the other. I'll just say now- you don't.
Sure, we may have been dating and at one point cared alot for each other. But why is it that even though we're no longer together, am I not allowed to do what I want, hang out with who I want, go out when I want to?
And that also works the other way. Now that we're not together, I really DON'T have any say in who you hang with, who you talk to, where you go, ..whose houses you go to..what you do. It's really none of my business and my cup of care should be completely bone-dry empty.
But no. Maybe its cause my brain is wired to be a girl, and we have hormones and shit. lol.
I wasn't heartbroken when I heard. I wasn't even sad. I was angry. Annoyed. Frustrated. I wanted to stop training and smash my racket into the ground so hard that my homies in malaysia could feel them tremors. I felt that all my care that I had for you even after breaking up had evaporated in an instant.
Then I sat outside alone and thought really hard. Why am I so annoyed? Is it because I saw it coming? Is it jealousy? No. its not. Its far from jealousy.
I think its just because its her.
Out of all the people, why her?
And same for me. Out of all the people in the WORLD, why him?
Why? There is no why. It's not like we just woke up one day and thought "yea, I think I'll choose this guy, he seems pretty nice-" No. Doesn't work that way. In reality we don't get to choose who we like. We fall in like.

So I guess I don't blame you. Its cool. You like who you like, whoever that may be.
I do want you to be happy.
And I know deep down somewhere you want me to be happy too.
♪ Because I'm happy-y-y-yyyyy ♪ haha lol.

Welp this post has turned out different from what I had first thought it would be. I was full planning a rage post. But what would that achieve anyways? Even less friends 2014. woop.

And hey. You in the blue shirt, you said that you'd still be here for me. So where are you now?

No comments:

Post a Comment