One blog diary entry, this entire year so far. Hahah.. I can't believe how seemingly impossible it has become for me to stick to a plan or even to remember to post something. I guess the feelings just arn't quite there.
I feel like my life is just so full that I have no urge to blog about it. Surely thats a good thing :)
But I do regret not blogging more, and in more detail. One of my close friends Khoi is having his one year anniversary with his girlfriend Pris soon, and was asking for some advice on gifts. I could not for the life of me, remember what I got for Simon or what he had got for me!
I definitely feel bad that I don't remember, but I doubt he remembers either hahah..
On one hand its good, since it means there have been so many celebrations between us that I can't even keep track- but on the other hand I really wish I could remember since I know every event has been special to me. Goddamn it, Jun. Goldfish memory.
So I guess that discussion really prompted me to try and rehash the blogging feels.
I was reading back on some of my very old blogs, back to the early Uni days. I definitely feel like I had a very colorful life back then. Learning heaps, inspired by many. Hahah Its quite refreshing to read -if I do say so myself! But then there are the sad times and low moments that are good to reflect upon and be happy that I don't think that way/feel that way anymore.
My self-inflicted low self esteem would be a prime example. I am so amazed, reading back on both my public and private blogs that I could talk down on myself so badly and not only that, but do it so often. Every time some guy did something bad to me I would think "Must be cause I'm not good/interesting/pretty/smart/cool/fun enough." "Must have been something I did wrong."
HELL NO, 18-year-old-Jun. Why did I do that to myself?
I'm so happy to have come out smiling in the end though- to be honest, if I hadn't taken the chance with Simon, theres a high chance that I would probably still think that way. My self-esteem would be absolute rock bottom.
Long story short, he made me realize that I deserve to be treated well. He taught me how to be confident about myself, my thoughts and more importantly that its okay to voice them. He encourages me to be the best I can be.
Although my past relationship was a total flop, I don't blame the guy. Had I known how to use my words and communicate, it didn't have to end like it did. Brutally. haha. And sure, he could have treated me better, but I should have known that I deserved better.
Its hard to know when you're that young and in your first 'serious' relationship. The whole time I thought to myself "this is as good as it gets", because I simply didn't know any better.
Thanks to past experiences I know for sure- This is really as good as it gets. And its freaking fantastic :)
Aaaand thats where my train of thought ended up, after all that 'stalking' of the younger Me. Hahah..
Goodnight guys. Monday awaits. Hope I feel super fresh for the start of the week!