City of Dreams

Sometimes I find myself caring too much. I would like to think that I'm a somewhat kind and caring person, but then there are times when I stop to think- why do I care so much about this/that/him/her?

There are times where it is mentally draining, and physically exhausting to put in such energy to care.
And at the end of the day, you wonder- was it worth it?

For most things, i think yes, it was worth it. Even if the outcome is bad, wasn't this a good life experience? Didn't I learn something from it?
Other times not so much.
Question is- is this one of those other times?
And thats the other problem. I ask myself this question far too many times. Its become almost a habit. And I still, do not know the answer.

#pointlessblog #wastedtime #misleadingblogposttitle
Just kidding. this isn't Twitter. I've become one of those people who inappropriately just hashtag their life. Ohhh, the horrors.

Uni starts again tomorrow. The last mid-term has passed by in a blur, and I'm almost certain that I haven't learnt anything. Must get to all those lectures soon. Fingers crossed.

Get on it.

Time has been flying by oh so quickly these past few weeks. I almost don't remember how I've spent my holidays. Then I remember- Been busting my ass working. Hahah 

Yes, I got a job. Who would have thought?

I was always hesitant about getting a job. Didn't know if I could manage to juggle everything in my life PLUS extra work. I'm guessing my studies are going to suffer. But anywho. it got to the point where I was just so bored with what I was doing everyday- Uni, badminton, uni, badminton, uni, home, sleep, sleep, sleep, make no money, sleep, spend money, eat, eat, eat ,eat- Oh man. I felt like such a waste of space. Felt like I needed to make the most of my free time. I guess life isn't always supposed to be exciting or fun. You just need to find time for the things worth doing.

And if uni gets too hardcore- guess I could always quit my job.

So I work at a sushi place now. Come visit me if you want sushi. Just a heads up though, I can't give you a discount. Haha.. i'll slip you some extra wasabi/pink ginger or maybe a couple more soy sauce packets. 

I have to say, I'm quite enjoying work. I like having random conversations with the odd person while they're deciding what to get. Although you get reaally 'sigh' customers that take an age and a half to decide what they want to eat for lunch. You'd think they were making real life changing decisions.

My boss is pretty cool. He's strict but can joke around at the same time.

Lots of fobs working. Man. Fobs. One of my pet peeves. But hey, I can learn to deal with it. Atleast they're nice.

Because I've been so busy, it feels like I haven't had time to enjoy myself very much. Haven't set foot in the gym for over 3 weeks.. Kind of disappointed in myself.

I keep telling myself that I need to blog about these kinds of things, whats been happening in my life etc- not for the reason of informing the world of my doings and whereabouts, but to remind MYSELF of what I've achieved, what has happened, where all my time has gone, and to not lose sight of the things i need to focus on.

Study for example. Don't remember the last time I printed out lecture notes. Disappointing indeed. How can I expect to do well seeing patients if my knowledge is not up to scratch?

Exercise. Thats definitely a downward spiral. A fatty waiting to explode. 3kilos. Thats how much I've gained over the past.. 2 months or so. Disappointing as well.

Family and friends. Haven't spent much time with my family these days. Nor my friends. Or Rosemay. Rosemay. if you're reading this I'm really sorry I haven't kept you updated, or been over to see you in a while.. Really sorry :'/ 

It takes effort to stay connected with the ones you really care for. Lately I haven't been making much of an effort.

I'm always so tired nowadays. Again.

Hopefully I'll get my shit together soon, get back on track and start being awesome again. 

Open fire; Sydney 2013

FARK. I want you to understand so badly how I'm feeling right now. But I can't possibly put this feeling into words. Is it love? Is it obsession? Its definitely not normal. HAHA. Maybe abit of every emotion in the book.

You know why?

Cause I saw him. 

I saw Lee hom.

DON'T TELL ME TO CALM MY FARM, CHILL MY TITS OR RELAX. 

This is serious, I need help cause my heart can't take it no more.

Sigh. Kind of wishing I didn't see him in concert. Cause now I love him even more.

Before I was slowly getting over him and listening to his music was "yeh, very good, alright". Now when I think back to how GOOD he was Live.. DAMN. No one can compare. I'm being absolutely serious.

He is perfect on stage. Hits every note perfectly. If you close your eyes, you'd probably think you're in heaven just listening to angels. THATS how good it was. No lip syncing, no fakeness.. Just a genuinely awesome music artist on stage.

I can't even describe the amount of talent. Jeebus.

every second of that concert was just awesome. Even his new songs which I can admit are really not very great at all, sounded so good coming from his mouth.

Couldn't believe he was actually there, in the same room as me. not even 50 metres away.

I wanted to run from my seat and hug him so badly.

All the time I was screaming from my seat, I wanted and hoped that he could hear me. I screamed out I LOVE YOU LEE HOM when it had gone all silent as the song was just about to start. I really wanted him to notice me..How sad.

I understand how gay this is sounding and how weird it might be for you peeps. But DAYUM. My idol since I was 7, I'M EXCITED just THINKING back to it.

I never thought I'd be able to see him. Ever.

Its the kind of thing you only dream about but never expect to happen. Like winning the lottery. Or finding the perfect man. Or for fairies to come flying out my ass. HAHA Things like that just don't happen.

In the middle of the concert, some guy proposed to his girlfriend. That lucky girl.God damn it. THAT SHOULD BE ME, having Forever Love sung to me. Having him walk down from the stage to hug me. SIGH. all the jelly.

Anywho I think i should stop now. I'm going to explode. Going to roll to badminton so I can snap back to reality. lol. If he comes to Australia again.. I'm definitely going to try and make it.
Aside from thaat craziness... I had a pretty nice time in Sydney. Went down with my cousin Emily- Happy 18th by the way baby! Got her to try Rekorderlig cause tis the bomb.
ok ready? BOOM. Picture spam. *cue elevator music*

Did alot of walking, shopping and eating. So much eating.. 10pm .. "you hungry..?" "yea..." LOL then come back with hot chips. Fatties.
But as much as Sydney was fun, I was happy to come home to Adelaide. I think the people are generally just nicer, the streets are friendlier, less bustling and busy. I love Adelaide to be honest. :')

Poppin' tags.

So you know I HAVE to make a post about dent camp.. HERE GOES!

Dental camp '13 OH MAN. It's been two years since I've been. First time I went, I'll admit I only went so that I'd make friends and stop being such a loner in my lectures. I was sick of the whole trying to quietly squeeze into a gap in the group circle and be like 'Yea, i know what you're talking about!' when clearly, I was so out of the friend group I might as well have just given up.

I blame having a boyfriend. Having a boyfriend during the first year of uni- especially at the start is actually really difficult. I spent all my free time with said boyfriend and his friends that I had forgotten the most important part of uni. making your OWN friends. LOL. Struggle-town for me when it came to leaching off people's assignments. For once in my life I had to do my own work, hand in my own ideas and no, lets not go there again. It wasn't such a pleasant uni experience for the first half of the year.

Thank you dental camp, for making friends for me. Thanks for the drunken nights, the dazed mornings and all the fun you bring. If you're a dent/med/camp-going-course kid that hasn't been to camp yet, GET ON IT, JIGGA! 

So main reason for camp was to release all der stress up in my face from the crazy patients that come into the ADH. Man, patients are difficult. But thats another story. Reason number two? Checking out the first years, and meeting second years that I didn't have the chance to meet last year. 

Helloooooo first years, you rude-ass pricks. Well, not all of them. But the minority just ruined it for everyone. Don't know where they got all their confidence from, but they were just so up-themselves, inconsiderate and rude to their seniors. WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, ASS-MUNCHER? Go back to highschool please. Sigh. But other than that, camp was legendary- as per usual. Aside from the lame Mexican and Thrift-shop themes. Oh themes, how I despise you.

Made friends- forgot alot of names but oh well, danced through the night, bartended for a little while, threw up, took photos, sang songs. This one guy was so awesome at guitar. 10years, dayum that is dedication. I was lead singer ofcourse ;) haha SHUT UP, I'm not that bad. :D maybe.

Goodnight noodles, have a good day tomorrow. If you're having a bad day, just say to yourself- But I'm awesome like Jun, I can do it. HAHA. I'll ttyl. Less than tree. I mean three. <3 div="">

Take over control

Trust. Its definitely hard to build. And once something happens to break the bridge of emotion that we call trust, the bridge is not nearly as strong as it used to be. Unless you build a completely different bridge. A new bridge with different materials and high tech construction techniques and special state-of-the-art machinery. An analogy for moving onto someone else. A new friend, a new relationship. O:

How to work on a broken bridge? It may not even have to be broken, maybe just a couple cracks here and there. Even so, difficulty level x9000. Why? cause of that lump in your chest-the heart. The heart is like besties with your brain, and together they create feelings you never knew you had. Oh, the feelings. THE FEELINGS. I'm sure its not just me. Crazy ones that you don't even understand why they're happening. Too bad too sad, they just do. And you need to learn to cope with them, calm your boobies and be cool.

Be cool and then think about what just happened. Is it really as bad as you think it is? And even if it is, should you let it affect you? 

I tried doing that today. At first I have to admit, i totally jumped to conclusions and just flipped the table. Then I picked the table back up and just faceplanted on it. *insert fml meme here*

Then the trust issue was brought up.

Trust? Do I trust you?

Then I thought about it properly. Why would you lie to me? What would you even gain from doing that. You can't be that stupid, no one is. 

It obviously did affect me, or else I wouldn't bother blogging about it *DUHH*. but it sure is hard to deal with people and trust though. What with people lying to your face everyday, be it that two-faced nob in your class, your girlfriend telling you she was home all night, or your brother telling you he DIDN'T eat half the avocado last night. Poor avocado :( Or even just thinking about what you yourself have lied about in the past. If YOU had the capacity to do it, OTHERS might too. I won't pretend I'm a good person. Of course I've lied before. Heaps.

Theres always that fear/anxiousness that people might betray you. Because we're all human. And humans make mistakes. Maaany many of them, as past experience has proven.

So its understandable why people have such trouble having faith in each other. Psst, I sure don't trust alot of people. Sure I might be gullible-"Look! Someone wrote the word gullible on the ceiling. *Jun looks up*", but when it comes to the bigger things, I'm always second-guessing, always being skeptical. Some say its good that you don't trust easy, so you don't get hurt. But I'm pretty sure you get hurt all the same, one way or the other.

Its some pretty deep shiz, I don't even really know what i'm saying. I sound like a child trying to write about adult things. Its all turning into word vomit. plus three AM-ness, need I say more?

Seeing a patient that has epilepsy tomorrow. Sure hope he doesn't have a seizure while I'm holding sharp things in his mouth. D': steady.. steady....... BAM! Dead. No, I didn't jinx. 

Goodnight.

The Fringe

Hey boys and girls.
I feel like its been an age and a half since I last posted. Not because alot has happened, but because the week has gone by ohhh so sloowwwly. Between all that pre-clin uni, time just feels like it has stopped for a while. And as exciting as uni is, I was so happy to be able to sleep in this morning :)

Today was pretty fail. I somehow managed to drop my phone in the toilet as I was about to leave, and BAM! Ninja-reflexes made my hand dive into the pool of sexy and take it out. Lucky for me, I had already flushed. And yes, my phone is ok now. I saved it. I'm a life-saver. trololol

Then me, being the best future house-wife ever, had to wash my laundry twice- forgetting to put any washing powder in the machine the first time, and ironed my shirt with a hair straightener. It works, just for your information if you're ever in the same emergency situation. haha.

Guess this is just a disclaimer to anyone out there who didn't already know, if you want all THIS *points at self* then you're going to have to be preeetty good with the house work. and cooking. and life in general. haha you know, to make up for my lack of.
Or maybe I should just not be such a nob.
........nah.

I'm hoping it'll all come to me one day down the track. Women these days are more career orientated anyway, and they still get by just fine. I think.

Sturt teams tournament tomorrow. Its an all day thing too. 12-9pm. Was supposed to use today to study so that I wouldn't have to be up late tomorrow night after the tournament.. But that didn't exactly go to plan- Online shopping *cough cough* what?- LOL. Sad. But I shouldn't complain. it was a fun couple of hours. And the rest of the time, I don't even know WHAT happened. I might have taken a nap. Might have had multiple snack times. Who knows.

The title up there might infer that i have been to the fringe. LOL I haven't (I'm so deceptive). Was thinking about maybe going. Maybe would like to go later in the week. Maybe. Its the Happening thing right now in little Adelaide. Maybe I should be Happening too and go check it out. Maybe watch something for once. Maybe do something fun. maybe don't be such a toolbag. Maybe.

But obviously MAYBES always skew to the Negatory side- so maybe means no, in most cases. So no, don't think I will be going. And yes, that was pointless- SO WHAT!? I'm leaving it here. Just 'cause. SO sca-rewwww, you.
Man I'm weird tonight.

OH GUYS GUYS, there is a Fancy Burger on Rundle St! Who knew? You knew? If you knew why didn't you tell me!? LOL.
Definitely going to try it out, I heard its pretty good.
Wish I were more adventurous. and tried out more things. Thats another thing to work on. The list is getting longer people! Get crack-a-lackin'!

year-a-versary

So, Valentines day eh?

I have always been the one who doesn't reeeeally look forward to it. The day would be spent just watching other people get stuff and be loved. In highschool there were a couple times I got a pretty rose or two, but they were just from them good guy besties who worry you'll be sad that you're all alone and stab yourself in the foot. Even if I did have a boyfriend for V-day, there would always be the constant nagging in my head- did you give a nice enough present, do they truly know how much you care..? In some cases- why didn't he get me anything, why didn't he wish me a happy valentines day? :/ awks.
Following that, I woke up for 8am lecture that morning just absolutely cheesed off about it being Valentines day, thinking- its all just a scam. Just a way to jack up the prices on roses.

But I have to say it was quite a pleasant v-day this year.

I actually didn't see the rose stuck on the inside of my locker when I opened it.. Changed my clinic coat, got all my stuff ready to go, then I see it and just think '..there wasn't one of those the last time I checked...' Haha. It genuinely surprised me. And ofcourse, it made me smile.
The morning was bad. Full of boring lectures and periodontal probing. But that rose just made me happy the whole day. :)

Thought that was the end of it, but I got home to find chocolates waiting for me with my name on it. I actually what-the-effed. Jeebus, 2013 you're doing pretty good so far.
That night I found out who it was and what-the-effed even more. Didn't even know the guy properly. He was the one whose name I always forgot. I think I've said like four sentences to him in total since we met.

^pose much? YES I DO.
..I guess you never really think about those people, do you?
We all have secret crushes, those people who- when we see them we can't help but smile inside.
But all we ever think about is the guy or girl we like.
Too busy to realise- maybe someone likes YOU and you don't know it. Maybe YOU'RE that someone who makes them smile. And while you're busy fawning over that guy you're so keen on, the poor guy over there is watching you, oh so brokenhearted.
SAD LOVE STORY GUYS. ALWAYS HAPPENS. It really can't be helped. Thats why love is so stupid, thats why its such an A-HOLE.

Anywhoop. Today was the 16th Feb. pretty big day. For me atleast.. But once again I set myself up for disappointment when things didn't happen the way I wanted them to. What can you do?

Just lower your expectations, don't have hopes and be a pushover. Like me. All the time.
Gotta fix that glitch soon.. And when it IS fixed, I hope you're ready for it. Some of you are go'n get slapped.

Ps. Peach goes well with oatmeal. Try it. It blew my mind. I think I love it.