Willpower.

I really have to work on the whole Willpower thing people talk about. Setting a goal, heading out to complete it, and just when I'm about to reach the end, something triggers me and I just stop trying. I was almost there.. I was.
I know, I know. Its useless just whining about it, just go and do it blah blah blah. I know. It just frustrates me so much when I don't get the results I set out for, even though inside I know it was up to me to make those things happen. And I couldn't do it :'/
Then later you ask yourself, why COULDN'T you do it? Sad.
Gotta work on it.

Past week has been hectic, evvvverything going on. New hobbies, new activities, new friends, old friends, get-togethers, family committments, long hours, finishing assignments. No wonder why I had no spare time this week. But its ok. I quite liked it. Being busy although exhausting and sometimes stressful gives me time away from my thoughts. Those deep, dark, sometimes irrational and illogical thoughts. Those ones that just keep you awake at night.
The moment I turn off my light and get into bed, my eyes close and I just switch off. It's quite a change from the norm. And I like it. :)
The cold weather must have something to do with it too. Electric blanket IS love. haha.

Just terrible

Terri-bad? Thats a word I haven't heard being used in a while..
So what's just terrible, you ask?
Me. I'm terrible. Terrible at comforting people when they're down. Terrible at stopping the tears from falling out. JUST TERRIBLE! Even the people who say nothing but 'there there' and leave after a pat on the shoulder.. actually no that's pretty bad too. LOL. Sure I might talk alot about ridiculous stuff, have noob opinions and laugh about stupid things almost 24/7, but when it comes down to these 'there there' situations I have aaaabsolutely nothing to say :\
One such occasion happened today where my friend had eyes swollen to the size of tennis balls and was sobbing her heart out. Ofcourse it was about a guy, what else? Girls these days. pfft. HAHA I kid.
Sure, I didn't know much of the story and only had a general idea of what was happening, but why didn't I say something atleast a little empathetic? Cause totally, when you're crying you want to hear 'don't worry about it, time for clinic, lets go in and own it!'
.... this girl is pouring out heartbroken tears of SADNESS and you're just talking about going to clinic? ERR. Then came the "I'm going to hug you now, and its going to be awkward.. *hug* don't cry.." I literally said that. Shoot me now. Why, oh why, was I the only one in the bathroom..

More crap to say, clinic was a bummer. I guess its the first clinic in a while thats been shitty.. but I don't know, put me in a gay mood. I felt.. unsatisfactory. I felt incompetent. Who breaches infection control policies at this level!? Sigh. Another slip up could cost me that pass I so desperately want. Not being dramatic, no kidding. That's what my tutor said. I need to focus more when I'm in there. Fo' reals. It's not like I've exactly put in 110%. Which is noooo good. no good at all!

I guess from today's events I've learnt that I have a few aspects of myself that I really need to work on. Wait, doesn't that mean I have to change? Ofcourse it does. Change is for the better, if you're changing for yourself. The right reasons. Whatever makes you happy :) You know what makes me happy? You. Wow, this is off topic.

Wink-a-doodle!

Dentmau5

Ofcourse I'd blog after a pubcrawl! Cause who wouldn't!
A night of epic proportions, fun times and slightly vague memories of what I did or did not do/say.
I've gotta admit, I have to be careful about what I do at these events.. There is only so much boob poking I should do to avoid looking slightly lesbian. Ohhh my gosh. Apparently I did much funnier things, which I will definitely find out about on Monday at uni. :/

Caught up with all my dent friends, met some new people and had conversations with people that I never thought I'd talk to. Started the night wearing ridonkulous high heels *so smart* and ended up buying new boots to ease the pain. Thank gosh for late-night shopping on Friday nights. Wow, those boots are comfortable. It's like walking on a cloud, after those killer heels. I still remember the over-ecstatic feeling.
Stupid idea really, wearing heels last night. Now my ankles are way worse off than they were after the baddy tournament! That'll teach me to try and be a girl. LOL.

Love events like these. Just brings everyone together, even if it takes copious amounts of alcohol to do it! Not that I drank alot. ahha
Woopwoop, bring on the next one!

CoA

And so two weeks have passed, and two tournaments have been played. What did I come out of it with? No trophy, two rolled ankles, a super sore butt, plus a reminder message to pay the entry fee ASAP to avoid accruing a HEFTY fine. LOL yea, $40 on top of the $50 entry is pretty hefty, POOP.
Sigh. Cannot remember the last time I played in a tournament and came out winning nothing. It's like a slap in the face telling me WHY YOU SO BAD!? I guess I need to really step it up. But just. so. ceebs! :\ I mean, its not as if I'm getting bored of badminton or anything, it still rocks my socks in just the right amounts. But I just yeah. Improvement takes work, and its not right up there on my list of priorities at the moment. DO need to improve though. Shithouse has never been so shit! Look at me, cranking the swear words and all, like I'm grown up or something. *giggles*
I did have fun though. :)

There was a moment during the tournament, actually there were a couple, where I felt like I could just cry. But I didn't. Know why? Cause I'm a boss. HAHA. But in all seriousness I literally just stopped thinking about how crap I was playing, and thought about other things I was good at. It actually works, this positive thinking stuff! You would beeee surprised. Made ME a happier chap, at any rate.
And if you don't have things you're good at. PSSH, what are you talking about, you ARE good at something. Think about yourself really hard. If you still think you're not good at anything..
You're just not thinking hard enough.

What else has been going on?
Exam in 4 weeks, time to get my nerd-dizzle glasses on and study.
But not before PUBCRAWL, woopwoop! This Friday shall be awesome. Already bought my shirt ;)

Friday.

Going to hate myself for not getting stuck into uni work and bumming around my room instead tonight. On the plus side, laundry? Done.
Tournament tomorrow, wish me luck, yo!
It's weird, usually by now I'd be heaps pumped for it, and be all like I'M TOTES GOING TO GIVE IT MY ALL. Now its like *waves arms* woooo..
Hopefully I'll get into it tomorrow morning. GET EXCITED, EXTRA CHEESE!
Ahh.. motivation seems to be lacking, this past week. For everything :\ Getting slack in just about every aspect of my life. Time to get my shiz together and work hard. Now that parents are back and everything, I'm sure they'll keep me in check whether I like it or not.
A blessing in disguise. Haha, never had to use that saying before. What a smart cookie!

yeah, I'm funny. 

Anywho It's about time I knocked off, gota rest up, and get my beauty sleep. Oh EM GEE-SUS, pimples on my face. Sad.

Must be the pills

Don't know why I feel so.. ELATED, at this time of the night. Just started working on my assignment again after thorough procrastination, involving my usual buddies Facebook, Twitter and Youtube, plus badminton, a shower, a couple spring rolls and some exercise involving me doing squats along to Call Me Maybe. HAHA Just imagining the sight probably sends you into fits of laughter. WELL STOP LAUGHING ITS NOT FUNNY. LOL. Anywho I was 300 words into my 2000 word essay when myuni crashed and so its time to blog.

Exciting news, my friends! My parents are leaving to Sydney for some convention thing and they'll be leaving me for a week! I smell some free-time! :D ye ye ye. Well, not TOO much free time, cause I be a good girl.
._. just thought.. what if some crazy guy reads my blog and finds out we'll be home alone... and.. and and.. D:
Don't think about it Jun, such crazy imagination *hyperventilates* Must be all the horror movies talking..

Everyday this week, I go to uni and there are hundreds of people gathered for their graduation outside on the lawns. I say to myself.. one day it'll be me, there in those wizard clothes looking all smart. LOL 'she's as loose as a wizards sleeve!' HAHAH If you get what I mean. Sorry. Dirty joke.
Anywho I got pretty scared, thinking about graduating. What will I do? Where will I go? Will I be any GOOD!? Although I've heard that even if you ARE a crappy dentist, you'll still manage to earn alot. So crafty, my people. Still.. I don't want to be a crappy anything! Sigh.. I've got to stop and think about what I'm doing before I do it more often. Especially in the lab. So many mistakes. But as they say..having a desire to learn, its both a weakness and a strength. Because for this learning to happen, you need to make the mistakes first to learn from them. Such philosophical friends I have. I doth my cap, sir.

Helping the homeless.. Sounds so generous, so nice.. so purposeful. Maybe I should be more like that, and less like 'ew'.

I have a feeling today will be a good one.

Thats what I tweeted at 7am today. I really shouldn't jinx myself like that. I swear this morning I was feeling on top of the world. And now I'm sitting in my little hole of sadness out in the middle of nowhere. Like a mole. A mole in a hole.

Maybe its the assignment that I can't seem to get past the intro of, maybe its the shit games I had at badminton, maybe my friends were being just that bit more annoying, maybe it was that run in the dark. Maybe it was you. Yeah, it probably WAS YOU.

Am I being dramatic? Making the situation look worse than it is? Is this making a big deal out of nothing? Oh- theres that saying- making mountains out of molehills. And cause today I'm a mole, that saying directly applies. But no, guys, no I'm not. You know why?
Because you're not the one in this situation, and you never have been. You're not the one whose feeling this way. Do you even realise how I'm feeling? No, you don't. Because you think you're always right. Well then so be it, according to you, this stuff I'm getting sad over- Not a big deal.

Gosh, I sound like a whiny pretentious 13 year old princess. Just note that at this very moment, I'm relatively angry.
Ofcourse, anyone reading this is going to think I am OUT OF MY MIND. Time to sleep.
Goodnight. May the wrinkles from the angry face frown not turn permanent.